The NFL Criminal Team!?
Todd Marinovich - QB Just last month the Artist Formerly Known as Robo-QB was arrested in a public bathroom with a bent spoon and a syringe. What better guy to lead this team? The closest most quarterbacks come to getting in trouble with the law is a DUI, but Marinovich doesn't fuck around. The spaces between his toes have seen more needles than a Christmas tree lot. Just don't tell him to "put the smack down"... because he never will. � O.J. Simpson - RB The Juice is an obvious choice, so we won't spend much time with his legal qualifications for this team. Double-murder, here's your jersey. Lawrence Phillips - RB Arrested too many times to count, a washout in both the NFL and the CFL, Phillips has finally found a team that will take him. Young Lawrence, well... he has women problems. He knows more about battery charges than the manufacturers of DieHard and the Energizer bunny combined. He's beaten every girlfriend he ever had and once punched a woman in the face after she refused to dance with him at a Miami night club. While at Nebraska, in what may be his most famous carry, he was accused of breaking into his ex's room, dragging her by the hair down three flights of stairs, and jacking her head against a mailbox, which also earns him a nomination for the All-Caveman Team. Rae Carruth - WR Guilty of the most heinous crime in the history of the NFL (remember, OJ was acquitted), Carruth is an obvious choice. He orchestrated the execution-style murder of his pregnant girlfriend because she refused to have an abortion. While he only got into the end zone four times in his short career, you can rest assured that this wideout has been on the receiving end of numerous scoring drives since arriving in state correctional facilities, most of which were led by a couple of guys with swastika tattoos. Michael Irvin - WR With all the cocaine he's done in his life, he could probably chalk the entire Texas Stadium field. He kept the Tarrant County courtrooms busy in the late 90's, and despite finding God (was he lost?), he managed to mix in a few drug charges in this millennium too. His roster spot is further solidified by the fact that he once had a hit out on him â€" by a cop. Former Dallas police officer Johnnie Hernandez was arrested after he paid $2960 to an undercover DEA agent in order to have Irvin murdered. Awesome. Mark Chmura - TE Despite being acquitted on charges of sexual assault and child enticement, 'Chewy' gets the starting nod at tight end. Who knows what really went down with him and that 17 year-old in the bathroom of a drunken prom party? All we know is this â€" the court of public opinion is a bitch. Barret Robbins - OL Previously best known for disappearing the night before Oakland's Super Bowl thrashing in 2003, Robbins trumped that the following year by attacking three police officers who, being armed, shot him twice in the chest. Police reports indicate that even after being shot Robbins continued to attack the officers, which is just the kind of spunk we need on this team. The good news is that Robbins survived his wounds. The bad news is that he is facing three counts of attempted murder of a police officer. Nate Newton - OL Newton was a shoe-in for this team when he got busted in Louisiana with 213 pounds of marijuana after being pulled over for a traffic violation (who breaks traffic laws with a van full of drugs?), but then he made a serious case to become a team captain six weeks later when, while out on bail, he got busted again. This time it was 175 pounds of marijuana in the trunk of his car. One thing's for sure - when it's fourth and long, we know ol' Nate is down to 'go for it'. Justin Strzelczyk - OL Aside from only having one vowel in his last name (not counting "y"), Strzelczyk also had only one great defining moment. After a hit-and-run accident in New York, police chased his pickup 40 miles, during which Strzelczyk flipped off troopers and at one point threw a beer bottle at them. In the end, Strzelczyk crashed head on at 90 miles per hour into a tanker truck carrying corrosive acid, leaving an explosive scene police compared to an airplane crash. Strzelczyk didn't make it out alive, he did, literally, go down in a 'blaze of glory', and you gotta respect that. And for those concerned, the driver of the tanker escaped with only minor injuries. Chris Terry - OL Arrested for wife beating in 2002. While that's nothing new in the NFL, it is worth noting that in this instance he slammed her into a wall, head-butted her and stuffed her face into a pillow â€" while their two children watched. Our scouts feel these characteristics will be very helpful in stopping the pass rush on our quarterback, who is slow of foot and, of course, a smackhead. Keno Hills - OL Heroin and weapons charges for the former Southwestern Louisiana Rajin' Cajun. Hills makes the team for his ability to acquire a fix This is only the start. I'm writing down the defense as we speak. It was to much text. Give me a break. Randy Moss didn't to to much to be called a criminal. I kind of tried to use the really dirty ones. Don't forget Jimmy Johnson as the coach.
Football (American) - 10 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Your defensive team should include Ray Lewis (murder suspect), Adam "Pac Man" Jones(too many charges to list), Eugen Robinson(solicitation of a prostitute-who was an under cover cop), Tank Johnson (assault), Odell Thurman(DUI), Also for your WR's add Chris Henry (like 3 arrests in 2 years for various things)
2 :
Sounds like the Raiders.
3 :
Don't forget John Jolly DL Police in Houston, Jolly's hometown, arrested him and several friends after stopping the car Jolly was driving on July 28, 2008. Police said they pulled the car over because of excessive noise in a parking lot of a nightclub known for high levels of narcotics and guns.
4 :
The dad of one of my friends from college was an officer on the scene that helped to arrest Todd Marinovich. Not a great answer to this, I know, just a fact to go with the story. My friend and his dad both live in CT now.
5 :
Your offense is great, don't forget OT Bryant McKinnie, RB Jamal Lewis and WRs Randy Moss and Plaxico Burress. DE Jared Allen DE Mark Gastineau DT Kevin Williams DT Tank Johnson LB Ray Lewis LB Lance Briggs LB Lawrence Taylor CB Pacman Jones CB Fred Smoot S Eugene Robinson S Terrence Kiel We also need special teams. Sebastian Janikowski is the kicker.
6 :
Cecil 'The Diesel' Collins. Ryan Leaf will star in the next re-make of 'The Fugitive'.
7 :
Dnt forget Adam "Pacman" Jones
8 :
Don't forget to add Plax to your list...anybody who shoots themself and faces jail time for it needs to be on this list of dumbasses
9 :
Well worthy of the "Hall of Shame"!
10 :
How about Ray Lewis - LB , Lawrence Taylor - LB, Bill Romanowski - LB, Alonzo Spellman - DL, Darrell Russell - DL, Mark Gastineau - DE, Jim Dunaway - DE, Gene Atkins - S, Eugene Robinson - S, Corey Fuller - CB, Samari Rolle - CB, Sebastian Janikowski - K, Todd Sauerbrun - P, and Jimmy Johnson - Coach. Or anyone I missed who is on this list you copied...